Welcome to part three in our series of video game weapons the world just is not ready for.  In this part we continue to explore the various weapons the video game world has produced over the years and the dire consequences if they were to cross the digital barrier and become a part of our world.  If you haven’t had the chance, you can check out the previous two entries in the series here: (Part One - Part Two).

Comin' through...

Weapon: Purple Shell
Game: Mario Kart Series
Why the World isn’t ready: Leading off the top of this list is a video game weapon that is favored by competitive racers everywhere.  The purple shell is the single most important item for anyone falling behind in a race.  If anything could change the tempo of a race in the blink of an eye; the purple shell rules all.  If it were to enter into the real world…all bets are off… Or perhaps betting forever would be changed.  No longer will skill and athleticism reign supreme as the individuals with the best timing on shell releases would rise to power.  Running or driving fast would no longer be in the best interest of the racer, and maintaining a lead would be strategically avoided.  Use it too soon or too late and you can kiss your Olympic gold medal goodbye.

Announcing...KIDSABERS

Weapon: Lightsabers
Game: Star Wars Series
Why the World isn’t ready: Though obviously originating from the silver screen, lightsabers have definitely made their presence felt in the video game world.  Everyone wanted one in the late 70′s and now that we can swing and throw them in video games, we are just that much closer to being able to swing them around in the real world.  If scientists are ever able to figure out how to derive light from crystals; we are doomed.  Backyard wrestling matches would turn into bloody fights where points are scored by how many dismembered limbs you can dodge.  And heaven help us if they make their way into a war and onto the battlefield.  Any ground force invasions would look like the Jedi onslaught at the end of Episode Two

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Gaming for all ages...

Weapon: V.A.T.S.
Game: Fallout 3
Why the World isn’t ready: Imagine if Pip-Boys were readily available.  It would put anything Apple can produce to shame; so you could say goodbye to the iTouch.  The applications that people would come up with would have this world torn apart in a matter of weeks.  On top of that, if anyone were ever able to actually invent the V.A.T.S. application for the Pip-Boy, we would be in serious trouble.  Giving people the ability to pause their surroundings and target what you wanted, when you wanted it, would make even the best behaved alter boys thinking terrible things.

'roids my a$...

Weapon: The Excalibat
Game: Rise of the Triad
Why the World isn’t ready: As a solid favorite during my childhood; this “weapon” would replace everything that is currently wrong with Major League Baseball, and totally revamp everything we know about complaining in regards to professional athletes.  Forget steroids; the commission would be dying to go back to the good old days when players were only “juicing”.  Instead of lying to grand juries about if and when they used, athletes will now be on trial for multiple homicides.  Stadiums would become death arenas, as players and fans alike suit up in full body armor, which would inevitably fail to stop the enchanted powers anyway.  Imagine an athlete coming up to bat in the bottom of the ninth with his team down by nine runs having the ability to tie it with one swing.  Imagine the skill needed to make sure all ten super charged demolition balls go out of the park instead of embedding themselves in various infielders’ faces.

Just hang on...

Weapon: Topsy Turvy Bomb
Game: Armed & Dangerous
Why the World isn’t ready: This one is dangerous.  Imagine the threat…Imagine being able to flip the whole world upside down.  No one would use it to get kittens out of trees; instead this would be used for the worst of the worst.  People, cars, baby carriages and hot dog stands would instantly be sent “down” into orbit.  Not even the handler would be safe.  A solid set of sweaty hands and you will slip right off the handle bars on the bomb and down…or up…you go.