Following Microsoft’s keynote speech at E3 today it has been discovered that everything may not be what it seems with their new offering, Milo.  Upon further inspection of the video that shows off Project Natal’s impressive motion controlled camera it was revealed that the mascot for pedophilia known simply as “Pedobear” was lurking in the background of the demo.

Microsoft has claimed that the appearance of the pedobear was merely a coincidence of pixels, similar to a woman in Texas seeing Jesus the son of god in her burnt toast. We have obtained the following picture for your review, what do you think?

Coincidence, or not?

Our digital children aren't safe...

Upon the recent discovery that R2-D2 made a cameo in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, it seems that directors everywhere have jumped on the bandwagon.  New Moon director, Chris Weitz, confirmed that the blurry figure in the window during a shot in the recently released trailer is, in fact R2-D2.  The shot in question revealed the little droid watching on as Taylor Lautner’s character in the film, Jacob Black attempts to rescue Bella Swan.

Little bugger...

After recently leaked footage of an in-game sequence from the upcoming Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, in which you can actively kill civilians as a Russian terrorist surfaced, Activision and Infinity Ward have come under a firestorm of criticism.

Critics have started to condemn the game and have been calling for pre-order cancellations saying the game has simply gone too far.  Cries of “Hard to Stomach” and “Moral Outrage” have been flowing steadily on message boards and from the mouths of video game activists calling for immediate action.

“The ability to shoot helpless civilians as they run in terror for their lives just hits way too close to home.” says Johnston Jacobs, Video Game Activist.  “It’s just too soon…too soon.”

IndustryGamers.com reflects: “It’d be easy for Infinity Ward to simply have a non-interactive cut scene depicting parts of this terrorist action, but by putting players into the middle of it, it makes the actions much more real and the consequences more tangible; it’s hard not to get a lump in your throat as innocents are being shot down in your gunsights.”

Bad as it sounds?

Concerns from all over are growing that the scene could affect our youth directly, by brainwashing them into committing terrorist acts against our country.  Most members of the opposition are worried the line between reality and fiction is just too blurred these days and this playable sequence could have dire consequences on our youth.

In an effort to add some perspective from the developer’s side, a spokesperson for Activision only had this to say: “It is rated M for Mature.”

As of yet, no one has been able to rebuttal the argument.

In an attempt to curb the holiday sales of Lego Rock Band, the makers of Guitar Hero announced the release of Guitar Hero: Super Hero Edition.  No time was wasted after the announcement earlier this week that the popular toy brand, Lego, would be forming a partnership with the makers of Rock Band.  Guitar Hero: Super Hero Edition was announced with no forewarning and was a pleasant surprise for industry representatives:

“No one had any idea this was coming, ” said industry insider Matt Combs, “They surprised us all.  However there is no denying that this one will be grander than any that have come before.”

Early press releases have revealed that the players will be able to shred using many of your favorite super heroes including Hulk, Mr. Fantastic, and Thor.  The release also indicated that each character will each have unique special powers.

You won't like me when I'm jammin'....

“When a player uses Mr. Fantastic they will be able to enter into Stretch mode in which multiple instruments can be played.  As for the Hulk, the player can enter into RageShred mode where you can barrel your way through the crowd tossing fans every which way all while jamming away.” Mr. Combs added.

In addition to abilities, the makers promised a massive and “epic” increase of scale.

“Players will be able to duel classic super villains for supremacy of the world.  Depending on where you are in your super hero career you will be able to play in front of whole countries or even all of Earth.  You can even expand your popularity to other planets if you’d like.”

After the announcement earlier this week that Treyarch had already begun production on Call of Duty “7″, Infinity Ward released a statement that once again overshadowed any potential success that Treyarch had hoped to get with this release:

Call of Duty 8: Nano Warfare

“After many long nights of round table idea chucking, we are happy to announce that production has begun on Call of Duty 8.  Even though we are still working on Modern Warfare 2, we felt the need to introduce the next epic release in this series to the public.”

The statement went on to denounce any potential claims that they are trying to steal Treyarch’s thunder:

“We’ve only recently found out that Call of Duty 7 was in the works, and we wish Treyarch the best of luck.  We are sure there are still some people that need a World War 2 fix somewhere in the world.”

The statement concluded with a brief glimpse of what to expect:

“We have totally dropped the whole modern theme and we are looking to the future.  You can expect Call of Duty 8 to reflect all the latest technological theories and advancements.  We are taking warfare from the battlefield to the body.  No one is safe.  No one.”

Upon contact, a spokesman for Treyarch only had this to say: “They are getting ahead of themselves.  They should first worry about part 6 not sucking.”

Who can forget the grave error committed by Fox News Network on January 21, 2008 as Martha MacCallum, with the help of psychology expert Cooper Lawrence, did a six minute segment on “their” unfounded depictions of the sexual situations in the platinum selling video game, Mass Effect. These two women had the Internet in an uproar.
“It features in some parts of this; you’ll see full digital nudity. Imagine…and the ability for the players to engage in graphic sex. And the person who is playing the game gets to decide exactly what is going to happen between the two people, if you know what I mean.” said Martha MacCallum.

Mass Effect 2 Dialogue

“It’s a man in this game deciding how many women he wants to be with.” said Cooper Lawrence.

Due to the Internet uproar following that six minute segment, Fox News was forced to carry out a fact finding mission in which they soon after issued a formal apology to the creators of Mass Effect. But Cooper Lawrence, who also learned the truth, didn’t retract any of her previous statements from the news broadcast. So gamers everyhwere were forced to carry out an Internet campaign against Cooper Lawrence. What did they do exactly?

For several days following the event there was an Internet frenzy that made Cooper Lawrence the most disliked person in the video game blogosphere and on several strategic locations of the Internet. Following in her footsteps, individuals from across the world reviewed her book without even reading it. The result was several hundred scathing reviews of her newest book on Amazon.com.

Friends...always tryin' to c*ck block

With the sequel, Mass Effect 2 still in production, the game is safe for now, right? Apparently not, as rumors have surfaced once again and leading the charge a second time around is the Fox News Network. They released several graphic images depicting the so called sexual nature within the game. The news agency claim the pictures were acquired from a source in Bioware, the developers of the Mass Effect video games.

When Fox News made the pictures public they released this statement, “We did our due diligence before bringing these pictures to light. With the release of the photos, we hope to correct any wrong course that Bioware may be considering for the sequel. Our goal as it has always been is fair, balanced news when determining the truth”.

Once Bioware learned the existence of those photos, their office released this statement: “These photos are a clear fabrication of the promotional photos which were released to the public to excite fans about the development of Mass Effect 2. We at Bioware don’t know who created these poorly crafted photos but Fox News did not do their ‘diligence’ before making accusations for a second time. One could only surmise they are using these ‘Photoshopped’ pictures as a smear campaign to clear their name from the first incident where they accused Mass Effect of being a pornographic game and were clearly wrong on all accounts.

Mass Effect 2 Achievement

The staff here at RawCritics.com are fans of the Mass Effect franchise and quickly did an Internet search looking for the potential source material regarding the images released by the Fox News Network. We can say with 100% certainty that these materials are fabrications and Fox News does appear to be behind a conspiracy campaign to tarnish the name and reputations of the esteemed software engineers at Bioware. While we hope that Bioware is not discouraged by these accusations and may potentially censor any future sexual material in regards for Mass Effect 2, we will wait patiently for the release of that game and implore that they will continue to push the envelope regarding all aspects of building a bigger and better game.

It has been nearly 30 years since Atari released the mega-popular video gameAsteroids.  Since its inception it has been widely thought that some studio in Hollywood would eventually pick up the rights and produce the popular arcade space shoot-em-up.  With the recent news that Universal won the 4-way bidding war for the rights, we no longer have to wait.

A representative at Universal released an insider’s look at his studio’s upcoming plans for this inevitable blockbuster:

The REALISM!!

“As I am sure you all have heard by now, Univeral has picked up the rights and has begun production on an old classic from most of our youths.  I am proud to announce that development is now underway and I would like to take this time to share a few exciting slides and give you a never before seen, behind the scenes look at Universal’s: Asteroids.  I would like to first squash any rumors about Roland Emmerich heading up the directorial duties on this project.  Though a fine filmmaker, we really didn’t feel that our vision of this classic matched what he had in mind during initial talks.  We simply did not want an hour and thirty-seven minutes of people dodging asteroid impacts and fighting off alien aerial assaults.  Our vision needs someone to translate the heart and soul of the script onto the screen, and as of yet, we have not found that person.”

“So the first slide I’d like to show you in this inside look shows a potential character model our artists at Universal have come up with.  We’ve worked hard to stay as faithful to the original 1979 game as we could and we are extremely happy with the results.  The biggest hurdle during the process was trying to find a way to humanize the original Asteroids story.  On its own its an incredibly in depth story, but we wanted to make sure that we would appeal to the largest audience we possibly could.  In doing so, our artists came up with the concept of “arms”.  If you notice on the sides of the asteroid character model you see two arms.  This gives the character of the asteroid a more human look that people will definitely relate to.  I think this concept will allow our audience to connect with the characters in our movie on a very primitive and raw level.  Our audience will say to themselves: “Hey…I have arms too!”

Look at the craftsmanship

“The next two slides I would like to show you are location shots.  Even though a majority of the film will take place in the farthest reaches of space, a sizable chunk will still take place on our home planet.  Our scouts spent years scouring the Earth for locations that spoke to the dramatic story that we wanted to tell.  As a little bit of backstory for you folks; we originally tried to gain the rights to this project over a decade ago.  We were going through the motions and had several key locations in our story picked out back then.  Ultimately it was decided that the technology in the industry was not advanced enough to support such a huge endeavor like Asteroids, but we actually used several of the locations that were scouted over ten years ago!

Both of the locations depicted here were chosen for their unique environments.  The first is actually a location that we are using for some flashbacks and we needed an outdoor space that represented certain “asteroid like events” that occured in the past.  This location gives that gritty old school feeling.  The asteroids that are in the first slide are actually asteroids that were shot apart already.  They crash landed on Earth after an epic war and the human race failed to finish the job.

Must have taken minutes to put that together...

The second slide is a location we are using for one of the present day battlegrounds for mankind’s survival.  Notice the razor sharp asteroids?  This gives the whole Asteroids theme a very slick and updated look.  In addition you will notice that there are hundreds of them making up a whole land based asteroid field.  Fans of the Asteroids franchise will note that this is a LOT more than the allowed maximum of 12 asteroids on the screen at once!  *Paused for a chuckle*

In all seriousness this is going to blow our viewers away.  The non-stop action, and sheer amount of space rock that we are going to throw at them will make this the biggest release in the history of film.  As a side note; we are in talks with IMAX about concurrently developing both a digital version and a 3D version of the film that would be released simutaneously.  We here at Universal feel that nothing says “3D” like jagged rocks virtually stabbing you in the face.”

“The last slide I am going to show you is a bit of a secret.  In all honesty the producer would probably have my head if he knew I was revealing such a major piece of the ending.  However, we are all fans and I am sure you are all on the edge of your seat wondering, “What is he going to reveal?”, so I won’t tease you anymore. The bottom line is: Every great film has a great ending, and this is no exception.  We have reworked the ending so many times in an effort to give the fans a payoff that is worthy of a thirty year wait.  Here today, I would like to share with you…the first ever look at the final boss in the movie:

Even more epic than the game...

“Intense right?  The viewers literally will not believe their eyes when “Roid” is revealed on screen for the first time.  It is a force to be reckoned with and in trying my best not to spoil anything, I will only tell you that you can expect an epic 45 minute battle between the humans and the leader of the Asteroids.”

“Thank you for sharing this inside look with me.  We are just as excited to produce this once in a lifetime opportunity as you, the viewer, are to watch it.”

Look for Asteroids in Theaters and IMAX in the Summer 2011.

C'mon Jim...really?

In preparation for Comic-Con San Diego in less than three weeks, James Cameron has released what appears to be a member of the Na’vi race from his upcoming

movie Avatar.  A massive street banner was put up earlier today revealing what many think is a member of the race that inhabits the planet in which Cameron’s main protagonist, a marine that is played by Sam Worthington, crash lands on.

The advertisement, however, has raised many eyebrows.  The Na’vi pictured in the ad has many people up in arms claiming the resemblance is far too close to the character of Mystique from the X-Men series, which is also a Fox property.  The striking similarity has led many people to wonder if Fox has decided to get creative in cutting their costs.

A spokesperson for the Cameron camp commented:

“To be frank, our character design is top notch.  The amount of secrecy that [Cameron] has kept over this movie is unparalleled.  There is no way anyone could tell if we were reusing old costumes or not.”

45 year old Comic-Con camper, James Hardy, who has been camping outside of the upcoming Comic-Con San Diego venue for the past two weeks, had this to say:

“C’mon look at it!  It is blatantly obvious.  Granted I’ve had a lot of time to look at it, but anyone can tell that the Na’vi is just Mystique with her cute little facial flower pattern removed.”

Talk about old school...

Xbox fanboys everywhere were delighted after news spread of Valve’s decision not to develop their upcoming sequel to Left 4 Dead for the PS3, saying it was “too complicated”.  It now appears that gamers everywhere, Xboys included, will have to shelve their next-gen consoles and dust off their old equipment in order to get a piece of Valve’s latest offering.  A lead game developer on Left 4 Dead 2 had this to say:

“I know we originally said the PC and the 360 were going to be more straightforward to develop for, but after taking a step back and analyzing the situation we’ve decided to cancel the development of Left 4 Dead 2 on all remaining next-gen consoles.  This will enable us to focus on what we want to do, which is make game experiences that are pure fun, instead of sweating bullets over advanced architectural decisions overall.  We didn’t come into this business because of some technical fetish.  We came in because we wanted to give people experiences that were just plain fun.  So with that in mind, we’ve decided to go ahead and continue development on Left 4 Dead 2…and release it for the SNES.

The news instantly gave life to a console long thought dead.  The decision to develop such a major release for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System has gotten industry insiders thinking twice about the once defunct and outdated console.  Experts are already speculating of a potential holiday console war as Bungie is expected to announce their latest entry into the Halo series on the Genesis platform later this summer.

Early yesterday morning, internet sensation 1 Guy 1 Jar man, was hospitalized with internal injuries while complaining of severe pain in his pelvic region.  Doctors at the time were unaware of the man’s on camera activities and took X-Rays of the region to help identify the cause of the pain.  Upon reviewing the X-Rays, Doctors were horrified at what they found:

One guy. One smurf...

“Not only did we find remnants of a broken mason jar and a pieces of a screwdriver, we were surprised to find a Smurf shoved halfway into the patient’s rectum.”

Upon further investigation, it appears the doctors were able to diagnose the man’s pain:

“The Smurf was still alive at the time of the X-Ray.  It appears the pain the patient was experiencing was coming from repeated blows dealt to the inside lining of his rectum wall.  The consistent nature of the blows, however small, were enough to cause internal bleeding which caused the pain.  Unfortunately the smurf drowned before we could get the man on the operating table to remove the foreign object.”

The Smurf’s identity could not be immediately released due to severe deterioration, so police are forced to wait on notifying the family.  Speculation is growing as to whether or not the man, who was identified as a 47 year old who goes by the name Gargamel, will be brought up on charges:

“This sets a new precedent certainly,” said the Police Commissioner, “We clearly are not doing a good job of staying one step ahead of these guys. The line between acceptable and unacceptable things to shove into you is blurring and innocent’s are getting hurt.  We’ve been after this guy for a long time.  There were a lot of domestic complaints filed by various Smurfs back in the 80′s and early 90′s but before we could get a case together he went underground.  Hopefully we’ve finally got him.”

Upon hearing about Gargamel’s previous deeds, the lead doctor commented: “Quite frankly I’m surprised that it took a Smurf to get this guy into a hospital.”